Friday, November 4, 2011

Dreaded Librarians: Good at Kicking Ass, Awkward at Making Friends

Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and erase those annoying, mortifying moments that make me want to crawl into the depths of a dusty closet and stay there until my eyes turn white from lack of lighting. Today was certainly one of those days.

For a few weeks now, I have been venturing out from my post at a new library, scoping out the neighborhood for friendly community places, and in particular looking for spots within walking distance to grab a cup of coffee or a juice on my lunch break. Unfortunately, this place lacks a sense of community as much as George W. Bush lacks a grasp of the English language. However, one day I made an unlikely acquaintance at a local Cumberland Farms while I was fueling my gas-guzzling-environment-destroying-car-contraption. He complimented my dreadedness and gave me a warm, non-creepy smile that I saw as "potential friend material." He thus became none other than Cumberland Farms Boy, or CFB for short.

Answer me this: how does a young, badass lady make friends in a city where she knows no one? I pondered and queried until I could barely sleep for all the thoughts floating in my head, then decided, heck, I'll never make friends unless I got out on a limb. What's the worst that could happen? 

Fast forward to today: I walk to Cumberland Farms under the guise of getting a coffee, but really to try and convince CFB to be my friend. I enter the door and he shouts, "hey Molly!" and flashes me a grin, and I shout "hey!" back with a smile, pour myself some coffee, and hit up the register. Thus begins the awkward conversation, that went something like this:

Dreaded Librarian (DL): So, can I ask you a question?
CFB: Shoot
DL: Wanna grab a beer sometime?
CFB: (Starts shaking) Uhh, well, uh yeah. Uh, I get out of work around, like, 3...but maybe not today, hm...
DL: Yeah, cool. Well, um, whenever. 
(Awkward silence)
DL: So, I have a boyfriend...
CFB: I have a girlfriend!
DL: Cool!
CFB: Yeah, wow. I was starting to freak out for a minute
DL: Nah, don't worry, I'm not creepy. I just don't have any, uh, friends.
CFB: Yeah, cool. I mean, not cool that you don't have friends. Um.... so, are you new in town?
DL: Yeah. Kinda. I mean, I went to high school here, but it was a while ago. I just moved back to work at L-- Library.
CFB: Oh really? Where's that?
DL:'s... the library? Two blocks from here?
CFB: Oh.
DL: Yeah.
(Awkward silence)
CFB: Well uh, let me..
DL: Sure, yeah...
CFB: Here's a...yeah, here's some paper.
(hands me a ripped up receipt)
DL: Cool. (Writes phone number). There.
CFB: So... I'll, yeah, let you know if something happens.
DL: Thanks, I appreciate it. I want to meet people. You know, cool people. In the area. (Mentally kicks self in the face)
(Awkward silence)
DL: Well, thanks again. Uh, have a nice day!
CFB: Uh yeah, you too.

Maybe next time I should just stick to buying coffee.

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