Dreaded Librarians: Good at Kicking Ass, Awkward at Making Friends

Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and erase those annoying, mortifying moments that make me want to crawl into the depths of a dusty closet and stay there until my eyes turn white from lack of lighting. Today was certainly one of those days.

For a few weeks now, I have been venturing out from my post at a new library, scoping out the neighborhood for friendly community places, and in particular looking for spots within walking distance to grab a cup of coffee or a juice on my lunch break. Unfortunately, this place lacks a sense of community as much as George W. Bush lacks a grasp of the English language. However, one day I made an unlikely acquaintance at a local Cumberland Farms while I was fueling my gas-guzzling-environment-destroying-car-contraption. He complimented my dreadedness and gave me a warm, non-creepy smile that I saw as "potential friend material." He thus became none other than Cumberland Farms Boy, or CFB for short.

Answer me this: how does a young, badass lady make friends in a city where she knows no one? I pondered and queried until I could barely sleep for all the thoughts floating in my head, then decided, heck, I'll never make friends unless I got out on a limb. What's the worst that could happen? 

Fast forward to today: I walk to Cumberland Farms under the guise of getting a coffee, but really to try and convince CFB to be my friend. I enter the door and he shouts, "hey Molly!" and flashes me a grin, and I shout "hey!" back with a smile, pour myself some coffee, and hit up the register. Thus begins the awkward conversation, that went something like this:

Dreaded Librarian (DL): So, can I ask you a question?

CFB: Shoot

DL: Wanna grab a beer sometime?

CFB: (Starts shaking) Uhh, well, uh yeah. Uh, I get out of work around, like, 3...but maybe not today, hm...

DL: Yeah, cool. Well, um, whenever. 

(Awkward silence)

DL: So, I have a boyfriend...

CFB: I have a girlfriend!

DL: Cool!

CFB: Yeah, wow. I was starting to freak out for a minute

DL: Nah, don't worry, I'm not creepy. I just don't have any, uh, friends.

CFB: Yeah, cool. I mean, not cool that you don't have friends. Um.... so, are you new in town?

DL: Yeah. Kinda. I mean, I went to high school here, but it was a while ago. I just moved back to work at L-- Library.

CFB: Oh really? Where's that?

DL: Um...it's... the library? Two blocks from here?

CFB: Oh.

DL: Yeah.

(Awkward silence)

CFB: Well uh, let me..

DL: Sure, yeah...

CFB: Here's a...yeah, here's some paper.

(hands me a ripped up receipt)

DL: Cool. (Writes phone number). There.

CFB: So... I'll, yeah, let you know if something happens.

DL: Thanks, I appreciate it. I want to meet people. You know, cool people. In the area. (Mentally kicks self in the face)

(Awkward silence)

DL: Well, thanks again. Uh, have a nice day!

CFB: Uh yeah, you too.

Maybe next time I should just stick to buying coffee.